Overturning a Pot of Ministerial Vendetta Stew
by Miss Whiskers
Summary: He had expected this, yet was not prepared for the molten wave of panic that seemed to burst through his stomach at the sight of the deserted room. 'Sirius' he shouted. 'Sirius, are you there'" A story about what might happen if Sirius was there...


A/N: As a bit of a disclaimer, this story has a _lot_ of text taken from the Order of the Phoenix. However, this one-shot has the over-all ending that I always wanted that book to have, if not quite like this...

Enjoy!

**Overturning a Pot of Ministerial Vendetta Stew**

_He knelt down quickly, thrusting his head into the dancing fire, and cried, "Number Twelve Grimmauld Place!"_

H_is head began to spend as though he had just got off a fairground_ _ride though his knees remained firmly planter upon the cold office floor. He kept his eyes screwed up against the whirling ash, and when the spinning stopped, he opened them to find himself looking out upon the long, cold kitchen of Grimmauld Place._

_There was nobody there. He had expected this, yet was not prepared for the molten wave of dread and panic that seemed to burst through his stomach floor at the sight of the deserted room._

_"Sirius?" he shouted. "Sirius, are you there?"_

_- Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Chapter Thirty-Two: Out of the Fire, pg. 740_

Watching carefully with narrowed eyes, Sirius surveyed the potion in front of him, knowing that one wrong ingredient or stir could result in an explosion that even his long-dead mother, to say nothing of her portrait, would feel.

"Though," he mused as he carefully added crushed Billywig stingers, taking his eyes off the potion for a quick glare in the direction of the portrait downstairs, "it might might just be worth the effort. Especially if I manage to get Kreacher with it, too."

A brooding expression crossed his face as he inspected the available supply of Fwooper feathers. "It's not like I can do anything else useful."

He shook off the thought and returned to the potion, perfecting a sketchy recipe the twins had brought to him. With sales and resupply taking up all their time, the twins had found themselves with less opportunity for inventing than they would have liked. Sirius had eagerly offered his assistance, wanting a task that would break up the monotony of being trapped in his family's house.

"Sirius!"

He started at the sudden noise and watched helplessly as the feathers sank into the potion. Eyes widening as the potion began to bubble furiously, Sirius magically secured the lid onto the cauldron and ran from the room. The cauldron had belonged to his mother (all the more reason, Sirius had thought, to use it for making pranks for a joke shop) and was nearly indestructible; the cauldron and surrounding area should be unscathed, but he wasn't quite willing to take the chance.

"Sirius, are you there?"

He glanced down the hallway towards the staircase, trying to place the nearly inaudible voice. After a second, he recognized it as Harry's, bounding down the stairs as he wondered what would cause Harry to forgo use of the two-way mirror and risk using the Floo system again.

In the months since Christmas, he had wondered at the silence from Harry, thinking that his godson would have liked to have an avenue of communication that couldn't be traced. He had initially thought the Harry was angry with him, for knowing and not explaining the real reason behind the need for Occlumency lessons, or for fighting with Snape, which was sure to make the lessons absolute misery.

But then again, Harry wasn't exactly the type to ignore someone he was angry at; if anything, he would have used the mirror to give Sirius a good earful.

He bounded down the last few steps, dodging the troll umbrella stand he never took the time to get rid of. Ears straining to hear if Harry was still there, he scowled at the sound of Kreacher's cackle.

"I'm warning you!" He heard Harry threaten, the teen's voice full of desperation and nearing hysteria; worried, Sirius picked up speed as he ran down the hallway towards the small staircase that lead to the kitchen. "What about Lupin? Mad-Eye? Any of them, are any of them here?"

Kreacher gleefully muttered a response, too quiet for Sirius to hear as he clattered down the stairs, growing more concerned as he neared the fireplace.

"Where has Sirius gone?" Harry yelled in a tone of panic. "_Kreacher, has he gone to the Department of Mysteries_?"

Sirius's face paled. How had Harry connected anything to the Department of Mysteries? The only imaginable way was if he had recognized the passageway Arthur had been attacked in. But why would he think that Sirius was there?

He ran through the door to the kitchen, where Harry's pale face flickered in the green flames and Kreacher's expression fell from malicious glee to disappoint at his appearance.

"Sirius!" Harry said in obvious relief upon seeing him, shooting a quick anger-filled glance at the old house-elf across from the fireplace.

"Kreacher, go to the attic and _stay in there_. Do not go anywhere near Buckbeak again, or attempt to injure him in any way," Sirius barked with a furious glare before kneeling next to the hearth. "Harry, what are you doing here? As much as I'm in no position to say invading Umbridge's office is against the rules and shouldn't be done, it's probably not the safest thing--"

"Sirius, that doesn't matter right now," Harry interrupted. "I got this vision from Voldemort, like when Mr. Weasley was attacked. He had you in the Department of Mysteries. He wanted you to take something from there, down a ninety-seventh row."

Sirius cursed under his breath, wishing that Dumbledore was still at Hogwarts. "Okay, Harry, you need to understand that any vision you get from Voldemort is probably false; whatever happens, whatever you see, _do not act on it_.

He paused to make sure Harry was taking him very seriously. "If you get anymore, use the mirror to contact me, or" Sirius grimaced, missing Harry's confused expression at the word 'mirror', "tell Snape. He's an absolute git, but he is an Order member. Most importantly, don't leave Hogwarts under any circumstances. Understand?"

"No," Harry said immediately, his mind brimming with questions. "Well, yes, but what--"

Then Harry's eyes widened, his hands reflexively struggling to find purchase in the stone floor in front of the grate as he was yanked backwards through the flames with an expression of alarm on his face.

"Harry!" Sirius yelped, knowing better than to grab his godson's arm to pull him back and risk the chance of separating said arm from Harry; instead, he put his hand through the fire to hold the Floo connection open and quickly Summoned a pair of Extendable Ears to listen in on the office on the other side of the flames, hoping no one there noticed the tell-tale pink string. The green flames, a sign of continued Floo use, were changed to their regular color by a hastily performed illusion charm that worked on both sides of the Floo connection.

He found a more comfortable position on the floor and slipped the Ears through the fire, removing his hand at the same time; he had a very bad feeling about the situation, and, as he heard Umbridge's voice, the feeling got worse.

"--that after two nifflers I was going to let one more foul, scavenging little creature enter my office without my knowledge?" He heard the Undersecretary's voice whisper maliciously. "I had Stealth Sensoring Spells placed all around my doorway after the last one got in, you foolish boy. Take his wand! Hers, too!"

Sirius winced at the sudden increase in volume, but bristled at the sound of a short violent scuffle that followed. Wondering if Hermione, the most likely candidate for the 'her', was aware of Harry's visions or had simply helped Harry without need for an explanation , Sirius unconsciously edged closer to the fireplace, wishing that he could see as well as hear.

"I want to know why you are in my office." Umbridge's voice had lost all of it's false sweetness, and there was a sound of someone stumbling.

He heard Harry clear his throat, and then talk as if every word was causing him physical effort. "I was--trying to get my Firebolt!"

Shaking his head, Sirius cringed; he loved his godson, but the boy couldn't lie to save his life...

"Liar!" Umbridge's voice came angrily. "Your Firebolt is under strict guard in the dungeons, as you very well know. You had your head in my fire. With whom have you been communicating?"

There was a stony defiant silence. "No one," Harry then snarled, and a feeling of dread curled through Sirius stomach.

"Liar!" Umbridge screeched in fury, and there was a loud crash, followed by the sound of someone, Harry, grunting in pain. Mouth curling in an angry snarl, Sirius pulled out his wand. Convicted murderer or no, he was a step away from jumping through the fire and tearing Umbridge into very small pieces.

Immediately following his vow, there was a series of crashes and scuffles, but from farther away, as if they involved other people. Sirius was temporarily concerned that the Floo connection was crossing with someone else's, before he heard a new voice speak up.

"Got them all," it said smugly. "_That_ one," Sirius wished dearly that he could see the scene, "tried to stop me from taking _her_, so I brought him along, too."

"Good, good," Umbridge said, her tone making the hair on the back of Sirius's neck stand straight up. "Well, it looks as though Hogwarts will shortly be a Weasley-free zone, doesn't it?"

'Ah,' Sirius thought in realization as the Malfoy spawn laughed cruelly, 'Ron and Ginny are there, along with Hermione. But Hermione and Ron would in on this scheme already, so who is the 'he' that wouldn't let Ginny be taken?'

"So, Potter," Umbridge continued, and Sirius shook himself out of his thoughts. "You stationed lookouts around my office and you sent this buffoon," there was a sharp crack of laughter from Malfoy, "to tell me the poltergeist was wreaking havoc in the Transfiguration department when I knew perfectly well that he was busy smearing ink on the eyepieces of all the school telescopes, Mr. Filch having just informed me so."

Despite the situation, Sirius couldn't help but grin appreciatively. Nothing made Sinistra so hopping mad as doing anything to vandalize a telescope, a lesson he fondly, if not a tad maliciously, recalled Wormtail learning after losing a bet in sixth year.

"You should be nicer, Professor Umbridge," said a spacey voice that Sirius didn't recognize. "The walls have ears."

"Be quiet, you silly girl. Clearly, it was very important for you to talk to somebody, Potter. Was it Albus Dumbledore? Or the half-breed, Hagrid? I doubt it was Minerva McGonagall, I hear she is still too ill to talk to anyone..."

Sirius's eyes widened in surprise. McGonagall had been injured? He didn't buy the statement of illness; not even dragon pox would keep her from being up and about, especially with Dumbledore gone. What exactly was going on at Hogwarts that no one had deigned to tell him?

Eyes narrowing once more as he heard the laughter of Malfoy and various unnamed cohorts, Sirius heard Harry snarl, "It's none of your business who I talk to!"

'That's it,' Sirius thought as an ominous silence fell from across the fire. 'Harry needs lessons on lying and when _not_ to aggravate various Ministry toads.' As the deafening silence continued, Sirius shifted closer to the fire, not wanting to miss anything from a chance faultiness with one of the Ears.

"Very well," Umbridge's voice rang poisonously sweet. "Very well, Mr. Potter. I offered you the chance to tell me freely; you refused."

"Of course he refused, you pathetic little woman," he heard someone whisper. He twitched the Ears over in the direction of the voice, and smiled widely at recognizing the voice as Hermione's; he had always liked that girl. "What's he going to do, beg and plead like a Fudge?"

"--Professor Snape."

Briefly closing his eyes in annoyance at himself, Sirius refocused on the problem at hand, wondering what Umbridge had said about Snape. He heard the sound of someone leaving the room, and wondered if someone had been sent to fetch him. But surely Umbridge knew that Snape was less likely to agree with her bleating than even Harry.

A tension-filled silence once again dominated the room as they all waited for the arrival of the Potions Master. Taking the opportunity, as he wouldn't miss anything important in the silence, Sirius Summoned a piece of parchment and a quill, hurriedly recording what all had happened. Finishing the letter with a statement of Snape's imminent arrival into the situation and voicing a pointed question as to where McGonagall was when all this was going on, Sirius signed off with his password and, whistling to get his owl's attention, told the owl to deliver it to Dumbledore.

"And if he doesn't immediately snap into action," Sirius told the bird, who surveyed him with haughty amusement, "bite his nose and make sure he remembers who last broke it."

With a snickering hoot, the bird flew away and out through a window; Sirius turned back to the fire, though it did him little good, just as Snape entered Umbridge's office and spoke.

"Ah, Professor Snape," Umbridge said gaily, the saccharine sweetness in her voice making Sirius pity Snape for just a second. "Yes, I would like another bottle of Veritaserum, as quick as you can, please."

Sirius choked on a guffaw; what did she think, that Snape was some kind of twisted genie, or, perhaps, that Veritaserum simply grew on trees? Where did the Ministry find these people, and how could the Order force Voldemort's recruiting on them instead of possibly smarter entities?

"You took my last bottle to interrogate Potter," Snape said in a tone that came as close to incredulous as Sirius had ever heard it.

'That blasted toad did what?'

"Surely you did not use it all? I told you three drops would be sufficient," Snape finished off, condescension coloring his voice as Sirius remembered with ghastly clarity all the things an overdose of Veritaserum could do to an adult, let alone a fifteen-year-old.

"You can make some more, can't you?" Umbridge said, a tad threateningly.

"Certainly," Snape responded with the smug arrogance that only Slytherins seemed to manage. "It takes a full moon cycle to mature, so I should have it ready for you in around a month."

There was a muffled snicker, probably from the Weasley girl, Sirius thought, that was only just covered by Umbridge's indignant squawk.

"A month! A _month_? But I need it _this_ evening, Snape! I have just found Potter using my fire to communicate with a person or persons unknown!"

'Oh, please,' Sirius scoffed mentally, remembering the very unpleasant feeling of Umbridge nearly catching him the previous October with a cold shiver, 'you know that he's contacting me, Hagrid, or Dumbledore. Persons unknown, indeed.'

"Really," Snape drawled with a faint hint of interest. "Well, it doesn't surprise me. Potter has never shown much inclination to follow school rules."

Ignoring the truth of that statement, Sirius fumed silently at the Potions Master. After Sirius had just told Harry to trust Snape, the greasy git had managed to make Harry and, doubtlessly, his friends, trust him even less.

"I wish to interrogate him!" He heard Umbridge exclaim petulantly, as if a great opportunity had been taken away from her. "I wish you to provide me with a potion that will force him to tell me the truth!"

Sirius almost wished he could be there, risk of capture and a Dementor's Kiss or no, to see Snape's face after having such demands thrown at him.

Perhaps he would get Harry to put the memory in Dumbledore's Pensieve so the entire Order could watch...

"I have already told you that I have no further stocks of Veritaserum," Snape said ominously, venom an undercurrent to his words. "Unless you wish to poison Potter, and I assure you, I will have the greatest sympathy with you if you did, I cannot help you."

Git.

"The only trouble," Snape continued with a tinge of hopeful glee that made Sirius almost certain that the Potions Master had heard his less than civil thoughts, "is that most venoms act too fast to give the victim much time for truth-telling..."

There was a tense silence after Snape's decidedly unhelpful comment.

"You're on probation! You're being deliberately unhelpful!"

'Well, of course he is,' Sirius thought, a malicious grin on his face as he reluctantly cheered Snape on. 'That's what he does; threatening him certainly won't change learned behavior.'

"I expected better," Umbridge continued waspishly. "Lucius Malfoy always speaks most highly of you! Now get out of my office."

After a condescending pause, there were footsteps walking away from the fire and, presumably, Umbridge's office.

"Don't leave, idiot!" Sirius muttered under his breath. "You're apparently the only Order member still available at the school; surely you're not going to leave a bunch of children under the control of a psychotic Ministry witch when Harry's having visions..."

"He said he's got Padfoot!" Harry shouted suddenly, not in a tone of emergency so much as a tone of desperate confusion, and the footsteps stopped. "He lied and said he's got Padfoot in the place where it's hidden!" Under the words, so obvious that not even Snape could ignore them, was a plea to understand what was going on, to receive reassurance that he wasn't going insane.

'It?' Sirius thought in alarm. Harry knew about the Prophecy? Dumbledore had made it clear that he would not tell Harry the prophecy for a long time yet, so how had his godson learned about it—from Voldemort?

"Padfoot?" Umbridge repeated in a tone of eager demand. "What is Padfoot? Where what is hidden? What does he mean, Snape?"

There was a pause as Snape took a moment to phrase his answer.

"I have no idea," he answered with certainty, sounding disdainful of the entire conversation. "Potter, I will not tolerate this verbal nonsense being thrown at me for any reason, and will be informing Professor McGonagall of your irresponsible behavior as soon as possible. And Crabbe, loosen your hold a little, if Longbottom suffocates it will mean a lot of tedious paperwork, and I am afraid I shall have to mention on your reference if you ever apply for a job." He paused for a second, as if steeling himself. "Miss Lovegood..." Luna looked at Snape, turning away from the wall at which she had been talking emphatically, if quietly, "...as you were."

The door snapped shut behind him.

While Sirius appreciated Snape's communicating to Harry that he would inform the Order of the situation, he was less than amused that Snape had still left five defenseless teenagers in the clutch of Umbridge and her squad of Death Eater's children.

"Very well... very well," he listened as Umbridge muttered to herself, sounding more and more frenzied as she continued. "I am left with no alternative-- This is more than a matter of school discipline; this is an issue of Ministry security... Yes, yes..."

A feeling of horror rose in Sirius's throat as Umbridge's mutters came through the Extendable Ear. He remembered only too well the same scenario as Aurors had paced in front of his cell, wondering to themselves if the could justify the abuse of a prisoner...

"You _are_ forcing me, Potter," Umbridge said with certainty, her mind made up. "I do not want to, but sometimes circumstances justify the use--"

Sirius's eyes widened.

"The Cruciatus Curse ought to loosen your tongue."

There was an eager, ugly undertone to Umbridge's voice made Sirius wish that McGonagall, Snape, _anyone_, would enter Umbridge's office--

"No!" Hermione shrieked, from the sound of it desperately trying to free herself from her captor as if to physically stop Umbridge from doing such a thing. He winced at Hermione's innocent protest of "Professor Umbridge--it's illegal! The Minister wouldn't want you to break the law!"

Umbridge hummed to herself before answering. "What Cornelius doesn't know won't hurt him. He never knew..."

Ignoring Umbridge's voice until there was a tell-tale change in tone, Sirius Summoned a piece of parchment and hastily began marking the lay of the Defense Against the Dark office. Knowing the layout from past detentions with the professor of his time, Sirius wrote down the positions of the people in it, assigning one captor to each of Harry and his five friends, hoping that there were few or no extra enemies. Sirius could only make one surprise strike, as none of his allies in the room would be armed, and his enemies would have a severe advantage through numbers and possibly instant Auror reinforcement. He didn't believe for a second that Umbridge would go to Hogwarts without some instantaneous means of contact with the Ministry.

"--Only you wriggled your way out of that one, didn't you, Potter? Not today, though.

"Not now. _Cruc_--"

Transforming into his Grim-like shape, Sirius leapt through the fireplace with a snarl. With his yellow eyes gleaming hatefully at Umbridge, who had her wand raised at a defiant-looking Harry, Sirius continued his forward movement and swiped his clawed paw at her extended arm; the witch cried out in pain at the deep slashes formed across her hand and face, dropping her wand in shock.

Turning to face the opposition of the watching Slytherins, who were at first frozen in fear before hastily regaining control of their senses, Sirius first targeted Malfoy, who was holding a fistful of wands that included those he recognized as Harry's and Hermione's. He had taken one menacing step toward the blond before Malfoy, pale and shaking, dropped the wands and hastily backpedaled. Growling in malicious amusement, Sirius leapt at the boy anyway, using brute force to shove him backwards and knock him unconscious.

"Stupefy!"

Sirius tried to twist out of the way, but his Animagus form was large and ungainly in the confined space--

"Protego!"

Harry held Umbridge's wand aloft, which had managed a rather shaky shield in the unfamiliar hand, as he ran towards the dropped wands, scooping them up and hastily throwing one at Hermione, the other at Ron.

"It's the Grim!" A pug-faced girl screamed in terror as the two caught the offered wands. "The omen of death!"

"Exactly," Hermione said with unequivocal certainty. "And, from the way it's growling, it's not here for the six of us."

The girl whimpered in terror as she tried to not make eye contact with the frightening visage before her, and Sirius gave her a menacing snarl in return.

"Granger, make it go away," she demanded, her voice so weak it was more of a request.

"Why?" Hermione asked scornfully. "It seems like an ideal solution to me, it being an omen of death and all."

"Don't be ridiculous," an older one said, his eyes cold and narrowed at Sirius, a few others nodding hesitantly with him. "It's not a Grim; they're not real."

"Stupefy!" The three yelled simultaneously, each taking a different target.

At that signal, Longbottom bit down on the hand of the thug holding him--Crabbe, Sirius remembered--and was thrown down to the floor in pained anger. Taking a second to get his bearings, the Gryffindor landed a solid kick on the knees of his once-captor with a painful cracking sound that send Crabbe down to the floor himself, with his wand promptly plucked from his hand.

Knowing that his godson and his friends would now be able to take care of the situation, and that he had stayed at Hogwarts, a patently unfriendly zone, far too long, Sirius ran back towards the still connected fireplace; he would be having a long talk with Dumbledore and his inability to get a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher anywhere near approaching the concept 'decent'...

"FREEZE!"

A flood of Aurors entered the office, pointing their wands at the students still standing, but none of them yet noticing Sirius. Cursing himself for having to take the cowardly path of running away from the situation, Sirius quickened his pace towards the fireplace; the situation would become much worse for everyone if Sirius was found at the site of a wounded senior Ministry official, in apparent alliance with Harry Potter.

His movement must have caught the eye of an Auror, for the flames with extinguished and Sirius's only route of escape was cut off. Now filled with helpless panic, half-formed scenarios of being returned to Azkaban, of getting the dreaded Dementor's Kiss filling his mind, Sirius slowly turned to face the inevitable.

"Well, what do we have here?" One of the Aurors drawled, his wand pointed at Sirius, the rest taking in the damaged room and fallen people. "Some kind of wild animal?"

Mind utterly blank, Sirius watched through a terrified haze as Hermione bustled her way forward, an expression of bossiness and authority on her face.

"My name is Hermione Granger; I am a fifth-year Prefect and, as head of the Care for Magical Creatures Class, am in charge of the animals. One of my less mature House mates thought it would be good fun to trap this one," she jerked her head in Sirius's direction without a glance, "in Umbridge's office. I am here to collect it and take it back to its pen, after which I will _most certainly_ find the one responsible."

She spoke with such a prim and no-nonsense tone that most of the Aurors seemed unwilling to question her.

The pug-faced girl had opened her mouth to refute such a claim, but Harry and Ron shot her murderous glances and she remained silent.

"And your companions?" One Auror questioned skeptically. "If you need so many to collect this beast, then it hardly seems suitable for a school."

"Indeed, sir; I would have alerted the Ministry if there was a dangerous creature roaming the castle," Hermione agreed without a stutter. "Only Neville, Ginny, and Luna are here to help me; they were the nearest Care of magical Creatures students I could find. Four students may be a touch overdone, but I decided to err on the side of caution. Now, since it's probably been terrorized enough for one day, what with exams and all, it's probably best for us to continue--"

"What about the rest? They all just happened to be here?" The Auror continued; Hermione began to look slightly nervous as her lie expanded, it's tenuous existence depending upon all of the still-standing Slytherins remaining silent.

"Harry and Ron here were with Umbridge to serve detentions, and, as the Inquisitorial Squad was formed by Professor Umbridge, they were most likely here for a meeting."

Eyes flickering briefly to Harry's wand, which was pointed straight at her heart, Pansy nodded. "A meeting, sir, for reports on procedure now that the exams are finished."

"Of course, of course... and how did Madam Umbridge come to be injured?"

"She--" Hermione paused for a second too long, and the Auror's eyes gleamed with triumph.

"That's what I thought, girl. Jenkins!" He barked. "Make sure that animal is really an animal, not one of _Prefect Granger_'s friends testing out illegal transfiguration to attack our Hogwarts Inquisitor."

Harry bit his lip and turned Umbridge's wand, which was hidden quite conveniently in his sleeve while letting him aim easily, to point it at the approaching Auror.

Sirius woofed warningly at him; no, there was no chance at escape now, and he didn't want Harry to accompany him to Azkaban for attacking an Auror. He surely hadn't believed, anyway, that he would ever be truly free...

A beam of blue-white energy was shot at him, filling him with a feeling of electricity before he was forced back into his human form.

He shifted slowly from his position on all fours to sitting, watching the now pale Auror back away in fear, his eyes locked onto Sirius's.

"Black!" Jenkins shouted, stumbling blindly into a desk behind in his haste to get away from Sirius. "It's Sirius Black!"

In a uniform movement, all the Aurors' wands shifted to point at Sirius.

Harry, Hermione, and Ron took surging steps forward, as if to stand between Sirius and the Aurors, only resuming their previous positions when Sirius sent them a panicked look that told them not to interfere; Ginny grabbed each of the three's sleeves, whispering harshly to them until they subsided.

"Well," the Auror that had questioned Hermione drawled. "I hadn't quite expected such a prize when we responded to Umbridge's emergency call... Not only is Sirius Black captured, in a scenario of him apparently trying to murder Madam Umbridge and a group of Slytherin children," he said with a pleased glint in his eye, "we have six students with previous counts of interruptive behavior, including Potter, as his accomplices."

"They're not my accomplices," Sirius said vehemently, and the Aurors, as well as Pansy, jumped a bit in fright.

"It certainly seems that way to me. Arrest them all, including the Parkinson girl."

Sirius watched as his godson and his friends were arrested, despair etched across his mind. It had been Lily's one request, that Sirius protect Harry, even if he didn't raise him; as he saw Harry drop Umbridge's wand reluctantly, his arms forcibly bent to capture his hands in cuffs as he stared proudly ahead, Sirius's primary thought was that he had even failed in that.

Hermione's eyes were filled with reluctant tears as her wand was wrenched from her grasp, and the mantra of arrest was given to her. Neville, ignoring the cuffs trapping his hands behind his back, barked an reprimanding order at the Auror arresting Ginny, who had caused her to stumble with the force he used to push her forward.

Glaring unabashedly at the Aurors, Ron carelessly threw his hands at the Auror arresting him, silently daring the man to arrest a fifteen-year-old, which the Auror looked remarkably unwillingly to do; a blond girl that Sirius didn't recognize blinked at one of them and murmured something, then walked forward calmly without handcuffs, one hand in her pocket and the other tapping a staccato rhythm on the table next to her.

"Stand, prisoner, with your hands above your head. Any suspicious action will warrant use of lethal force."

He acquiesced, not protesting as he was disarmed and his hands put into cuffs; he flinched as an additional spell washed over him, the pricking, trapped feeling informing him he could not transform. It was a surreal feeling, calmly being arrested by Aurors for the second time, knowing he would go to Azkaban or worse without a trial this time around either. Fudge, after all, would never release the information that he had never been tried, or even formally accused of a crime.

"Why?" The Auror behind him asked, the one the leading Auror had called Jenkins. "Why come to Hogwarts? To kill Potter?"

"No," Sirius said lowly, sensing a possible ally here, "he's my godson--I came to protect him."

"From what?"

Sirius jerked his head in Umbridge's direction, who was getting the scratches along her arm and face treated, sending murderous glances at him all the while. "She was going to cast the Cruciatus Curse on him."

"Rubbish," Jenkins said, the curiosity in his eyes gone. "Complete rubbish, Black."

"Give me Veritaserum," Sirius responded, locking eyes with the Auror. "Put my memories in a Pensieve, give me a truth potion, or give me an actual trial this time."

"An actual trial..." The Auror trailed off in dawning realization. "You mean, everything Dumbledore said about you being innocent..."

Sirius nodded. "As you could see, I am an illegal Animagus. So was James. So is Pettigrew; that's how he escaped after all," Sirius told the Auror calmly, not wanting the man to think Sirius was insane, but needing to give him the facts as quickly as possible. "He's a rat Animagus; he cut off his finger, transformed, and hid in the gutter with all the other _vermin_."

"Is?" Jenkins's eyes widened. "Is, not was? But--"

"Jenkins, back in formation. There is no conversing with prisoners!" The leading Auror stopped forward, glaring coldly at the two. "I'll take Black."

Jenkins paused, uncertain.

"Move!" And the younger Auror stepped back with a meek, "Yes, sir, Scrimgeour."

The other Auror swiveled his glance to sneer at Sirius. "Your lies will do you no good here, traitor. There is nothing for your kind but Azkaban and death. Now, as you've been read your rights in the past, I assume you don't need to hear them. I will only pause to say that, in reality, you no longer have any."

Sirius grinned bitterly. "Did I ever?"

Scrimgeour scowled and pushed Sirius forward. "You did before the murdering of innocent people. _Silencio._"

Umbridge, recovered from the scratches that were now speedily receding, walked to stand in front of Sirius, her wand taken back from Harry and now pointing at him. "You've been caught this time, you filthy, little renegade," she hissed at him, breathing deeply with furious satisfaction. "I may not have the fool Dumbledore captured yet, but I will be happy with capturing you and your precious godson."

Sirius put on a face of aristocratic indifference, waving his hand as if shooing Umbridge away.

"Oh, yes, Black," she told him, infuriated. "You're going to get the Kiss, no doubt about that, and if I can manage it, Potter will be soon joining you. Possibly even preceding you." She stepped closer to him for emphasis, obviously enjoying the now helpless rage on his face. "And rest assured, Black, that I will enjoy every flicker of horror on your face. If I can't manage it," Umbridge stepped back with a graceless shrug, "I will at least be content knowing that he and the know-it-all brat will remain in Azkaban indefinitely, at the Minister's pleasure."

Sirius opened his mouth in a cursing snarl, but paused as he heard the door open. '_Good God, please not more Aurors_.'

It wasn't more Aurors.

"_STUPEFY_," came the shout of many voices, and the Aurors, unprepared for the attack, fell bonelessly to the floor.

Umbridge spun around in angry confusion. "What--"

She gasped as she saw the DA en mass in the doorway, vengeful scowls on their faces and all of their wands pointed straight at her heart.

"You!" She screeched at the group. "I'll have you all expelled and incarcerated for this-- for this declaration of treason!"

The sea of twenty or so students parted to reveal Lee Jordan, smiling menacingly as he twirled his wand with the hand that read 'I will not disrupt order', eyes glinting dangerously at Umbridge. "Shut it, you ugly old hag. _Muto rubeta roseus_!"

Eyes nearly closed in malicious bliss, Jordan eyed the pink toad that was once Umbridge with a vengeful happiness that could be matched by no one but Hermione, who also stared at the toad with malignant euphoria. She had a slight frown of perplexity on her face, however, as if wishing she could feed Rita Skeeter to Umbridge and then have the Inquisitor meet a similar fate.

As if an afterthought, Lee Jordan then Stunned the remaining Slytherins with equal joy.

"Right, you lot," Ernie bustled into the room, taking a quick glance at Umbridge before speaking again, albeit with a small smile on his face. "Unfortunately, it has been over a month since our last meeting, but surely you didn't get the Ministry called on yourselves again, did you?"

His tone was remarkably blasé for having just fought against the Wizarding World's police force; at his words, the rest of the DA relaxed, stowing away their wands and shuffling into Umbridge's office, the door swinging shut behind them. A couple of the students looked at Sirius curiously, feeling as if they should recognize him, before shrugging and turning back to hear Harry's explanation.

"Funny, Macmillian," Ron drawled sarcastically, albeit with a smile on his face." But now," he jingled his handcuffs in a pleading manner, "a little more help?"

"And perhaps an explanation as to how you all knew we needed help?" Hermione added, pausing in attempts to free her hands herself.

"I don't think so," Lavender said. Looking at Umbridge's desk, which was edged with lace and covered with pink parchment, Lavender made a face in disgust and shoved everything off of it, sending it all cascading to the floor, before perching herself on the desk and continuing. "We get a story, and _then_ you get freed, and can ask questions, and all that. That seems seems perfectly reasonably to me."

"Look," Harry said, grabbing the attention of the DA. "You're all in enough trouble as it is. It doesn't need to be added on to."

"Wrong, oh, industrious leader," George responded. "They're all in quite a pot of Ministerial vendetta stew; no sense in not making it worse."

"George?" Ginny asked in surprise, looking for him and his twin. "Didn't you escape from Hogwarts just a few days ago?"

George coughed sheepishly. "Well, we're not exactly there--"

"Meaning we're actually innocent, this time--," Fred interjected, rather tinnily.

"Except for that whole guilty by association rubbish, of course," George said in a tone of unrepentant glee. "Anyway, before we left, we managed to stick a few prototypes around dear Umbridge's office, including these two-way contraptions that had only a slight chance of working."

"Lucky they did," Fred said happily, "or else we'd have missed the whole show, and let me tell you, there is nothing better than magic."

There was a pause, followed by a short scuffle and a quiet sound of indignation.

"Moving on," Fred continued with a slightly pained wheeze added to his voice. "You really should give up the dirt, Harry. For Merlin's sake, though, don't let Ron tell it--"

"Ickle Ronnikins was always the most awful story teller, after all--"

"Damn lucky they not in this room, the gits," Ron muttered threateningly.

"We heard that," the two voices chimed together.

"I suppose," George said in mock thoughtfulness, "if you don't want to tell the DA why they risked their very lives and status as law-abiding citizens, you could always ask _Sirius_ to."

There was a second of shocked silence, during which Hermione closed her eyes in dismayed resignation and Sirius tried to look ingratiating and benign, before all hell broke loose.

"Sirius Black!" Alicia shrieked, the first to break the silence as she pointed her wand shakily at Sirius.

"It's the mass murderer! Run!"

The DA scattered into various positions behind chairs, desks and the unconscious bodies of the Inquistorial Squad, all looking fearfully between Sirius and the six students in apparent alliance with him.

"We're all going to die!"

"I can't believe I sold my soul to help Sirius Black!"

"QUIET!" Harry yelled, and the DA froze. "One month," Harry said angrily, "just a single month and you lot have all forgotten how to act against a threat? I don't mean do it now," Harry snapped, as a few DA members leveled their wands at Sirius. "He's not a threat."

"He's Sirius Black!"

"Yes, Creevey," Harry said wearily. "Thanks to the twins, we all know that. On a side note," Harry looked at Dennis in confusion, "who told you that stunning Aurors would mean selling your soul?"

The twins sniggered from the walls.

"Well, this is fun and all," Zacharias said, watching Sirius with calculating eyes, "but there was something about a story? Perhaps quickly?" He took a quick glance at his watch. "Because I don't know about all of you, but getting caught surrounded by a bunch of Stunned Aurors, hexed teacher's pets, and a worthless witch turned toad doesn't really seem like a good idea."

Sirius surveyed the group of students eying him warily, not quite sure what the wanted and still in a slight state of shock from being arrested, with the sure fate of receiving a Dementor's Kiss, to being rescued by a squad of teenagers.

"It's a bit of a long story," Harry began, "so you all might want to get comfortable. It started with my father having three best friends: Sirius Black, Remus Lu--yes, Goldstein-- Professor Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew..."

* * *

Sirius shifted his weight from foot to foot uncomfortably as the members of the DA stared at him in varying degrees of skepticism.

"You mean to tell us," Zacharias Smith summed up in a tone of disbelief, "that Peter Pettigrew betrayed your parents to You-Know-Who, got the only person who could corroborate this story incarcerated for twelve years, and then scurried off to hide as a pet rat of the Weasley family?"

Harry nodded tersely.

"Well, then." Zacharias leaned back in his seat to ponder this. "Better you than me, Potter. Compared to all that, my family seems completely normal."

Hermione pounced on the silence with ill-hidden impatience. "How exactly did you all know that we were in here?"

Ernie waved his hand airily. "The coins went off, of course. It either meant that Umbridge was gone for good and it was time for a celebration, or you all were in some kind of trouble you couldn't get out of by yourselves."

Hermione looked around at the other five uncertainly. "We didn't have any time to set off a coin, did we?"

"Of course you didn't," Fred suddenly spoke after nearly half an hour of silence from the twins' prototypes. "George and I did after Luna explained everything. The rest of you all were having a bit too much fun getting thrown about the room by a toad-like women and not booking it back to the fireplace in a speedy fashion."

"It's sad, isn't it, Fred," George asked mournfully, "when some of Hogwart's best and brightest make us be the responsible ones?"

"I know: what is this world coming to?"

"Speaking of the world coming to," George said with an air of suddenly remembering something. "You can now explain to the group of miscreants huddling in Umbridge's office why magic is so wonderful.

"Ah, yes! Magic is wonderful--would anyone like to know why?"

Ginny made a face of reluctance, but responded. "Why is magic wonderful, Fred? Because it stopped you two from being Muggles, at which you would have constantly been arrested for disturbing the peace?"

"Doesn't it just warm the heart to see our baby sister following our footsteps in becoming comedians?"

"It does, indeed; now Mum can't always lay the blame on us anymore. However, the wonder in magic is not just its ability to keep us from court, but also in its powering of devices--"

"--like the Wizarding Wireless."

"Fred?" Angelina interrupted sweetly.

"Yes, dear?"

"_Get on with it_."

"Well," Fred continued with mock-indignation, "George and I were about to have an interview with the Wizarding Wireless, a bit of a promotion for Wizarding Wizard Wheezes, you see. The reporter was setting up all his lovely recording equipment when you lot interrupted with anarchy, the sudden appearance of the wrongfully accused Sirius Black, so on and so forth."

"What's your point?" Sirius asked suspiciously.

"It was a live interview, of course--"

"--because you get more customers, you know, if there's spontaneous sincerity--"

"Quite, quite, brother mine. However, as much as it destroyed our hopes and dreams--"

"--as well as our belief that nothing could possibly be more important than pranks--"

"--we decided that all the people listening to the Wireless would be a bit more interested in this."

* * *


End file.
